Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Contemplating the reasons

As I removed the turkey baster from my youngest son’s nose on “one of those days,” it reminded me of God’s sense of humor.
Not even five minutes later, when I was washing a dog treat from that same child’s mouth, a small, still voice reminded me that “everything happens for a reason.”
There’s a reason nothing is getting done today and everybody is at everybody else’s throat.
There’s a reason I have no energy to wash the mounds of laundry and dishes.
There’s a reason my youngest is not the typical easy-going last child.
This list could go on and on — for the positive and the negative moments in my life.
Boy, that’s easy to say sometimes, even easy to believe, especially when all is well. But when your life is feeling out of control — whether it be something temporary like wild kids or something serious like sickness — that reason is hard to swallow.
Still, He says there is one, whether we know it or not. Accept it or not.
Now I know some people find that pregnancy is controversial, but it’s not to me. I believe ALL children are gifts from God, and I know the reason He gave me four was to save my life. Literally.
You couldn’t convince me back then that anything good could/would come out of having our fourth child when our third was just 10-1/2 months old and our first had just turned 4.
How was I going to survive? I didn’t know.
So I worried and dealt with it on my own.
The fourth time around was not and has not been the easiest.
Now that the little ball of fun is just months away from his third birthday, I have a very different perspective on why God chose me to be a mom.
As my faith has grown. I can see how God has used each of them to bring (force) me closer to Him.
Taking into account my understanding of God’s humor (which I have experienced personally), I envisioned Him looking over my life and seeing me trying to control every aspect and facet. I know He wanted me to surrender my life to Him, but I just couldn’t (wouldn’t) give up the control.
“OK, Ginia, now try to control having another baby.” — God said to an unlistening Ginia.
Into our life came baby Bella, only 15 months after our second child.
Still I resisted His urging to draw near to Him. I struggled to remain in control. I was missing something, but I didn’t know what. Angry but I didn’t know why.
God knew when He gave me Masen that it would be the straw that literally broke my back, my pride, my will.
With so many young children with so many needs I couldn’t control, let alone meet, I finally submitted to God’s authority over my life.
Each child in my care right now will live out God’s plan for their lives, but I believe without these children I would not be here.
I would be asleep in my own little world, still frustrated by my lack of control without understanding the reason behind it.
Ten years ago, my destiny (according to me) would not have included children.
I thank God every day that I’m living His will rather than my own.
And His reasons are good enough for me.

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