Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Freaks on the farm

Our cat is a dog.
Not in some weird science fictional way, but I promise to everything, that animal is con-fused!
There is much evidence to support my theory.
Patrick Star (that’s his name) is a sock stealer. If I leave socks on the kids’ dressers for the next morning or if a sock drawer is even cracked, he will have those socks strung out all over, chewing on them, growling and then eventually hiding them for later.
He also loves water. Now, when Patrick Star began joining people in the shower I began to seriously question his mental stability.

See, he was very, VERY much loved by the kids when he was a kitten (in fact, it’s only by the grace of God he is still alive, literally)! It wouldn’t shock me if he had a few screws loose up there. (Kinda makes me feel guilty for dogging on him so much!)
Why else would a cat enjoy the water beating down on his fur, or curl up in the bathroom sink for a nap and not bother to move too quickly when the faucet is turned on?
To be fair, I need to mention some of the neat things about having such an abnormal feline.
Like the fact he sleeps in different beds every night. He rotates! I’ve never heard of anything like it.
One night he will be on our bed, the next Kadence and so on and so on. It’s kind of comforting that he seems to care for us.
Unfortunately, he sometimes gets distracted from his devotion when a foot moves under the covers and he literally pounces it and then bites it, hard, until the victim shakes him loose (think rabid squirrel).
He always comes around to check on the kids when they’re really sad. When Rylan broke his arm, Patrick Star hung around him more. Sweet.And he really lets the kids play with him and hold him and cuddle him.
Rylan literally wrestles with him like he is another sibling. They roll around on the floor and poor Patrick Star (who is clawless) has to use his teeth and his scrappiness to win.
The matches are quite a site to see and I know most cats wouldn’t tolerate, let alone enjoy, all the attention Patrick Star receives around here.
This is Patrick’s second Christmas here on the farm and he has spent a lot of time in the basement because he will NOT leave my stinkin’ tree alone! It has been driving me crazy!
He gets a running start and dives for these particular felt ornaments my Aunt Pam created and sent to use last year from Hawaii. There are (were) four of them. Wherever I move them on the tree, he figures out a way to get to them and tears them off.
The first night we discovered his fetish, I had the kids trying to retrieve the ornaments. Patrick Star would hide in any cranny he could find and growl like a wild animal, ornament in mouth, like “I dare you!”
Some of the kids were totally freaked out, but, of course, Masen thought it was a riot. When we realized how serious Patrick was about these ornaments, we told Mae to give it a rest and give Patrick some peace.
Since then, he has been OK with the tree. So far he has ruined two of the four ornaments. I’m sure the others won’t survive the season.
I know, I know it’s crazy to have a crazy cat when there is so much else other craziness going on in our lives.
But I seem to attract crazy, freaky animals.
Matt says I let my freak flag fly too high and attract them.
Animals that have never before been strange or aggressive or whatever ALWAYS get that way around me.
Patrick Star is no different. He fits in.
Freaks fly together. Or live together.
Who really wants to be normal anyway? I’ll take my cat(dog) any day.
Merry Christmas from all of us freaks on the farm.

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