Wednesday, February 1, 2012

When you feel like I do

I have acquired my husband's cold. He always has been a good sharer. Me...not so much. But I'm learning. Almost every day I feel like I am heading or veering more toward the way I want to be as a person, not that I really could define what that is. 

But days like today, when I feel like a fresh, steaming pile of manure, it's hard to do the right thing. All I want to do is veg. Be selfish and sleep. I don't want to take care of children, laundry, work or chores or anything else. The last thing I want to do is curb the tone and speak kindly to my fellow sojourners. I want to do what I want to do. Which is nothing. (Man, I sound so mature.)

Unfortunately it's how I feel inside, which is why I know I cannot live this life alone or by my own will. I am by nature a self-centered creature; we all are deep down. That's why every morning (you know, when I am supposed to be getting up at 5 a.m.?), I read the Bible and truly seek God's guidance and help in my life for each day, each moment. 

I have proven to myself (and those around me) over and over that I am not enough. But God is. He is faithful to help me when I seek Him. He will always be there for me. He is my strength. That doesn't mean I am perfect. Anybody who knows me knows that I am a VERY flawed creature. Despite all that, I AM a daughter of the King. He knows I will fail. He doesn't require perfection. He only requires full submission. And when I chose to do that (which I have to do sometimes on a moment-to-moment basis), life is doable. My perspective is different, which changes my attitude, which changes the atmosphere in my home, which changes our relationships, which creates warm, peaceful memories, which will equal a successful life.

And that's all I want. 

"Well done, good and faithful servant!"

So to conquer the nasopharyngitis (I love Google), which is trying to conquer me today, I pumped up on pain meds and am planning to march valiantly down my list of to-dos like the warrior I am (or want to be). My feet will hopefully be making progress on the ground while my eyes (heart) are gazing toward my prize in the sky.

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